Jean Ross Personal
Read this? Then send a message to Karl, here, with your comments? June 9, 2004. After this page was published on June 8th, more material is added on a new page, HERE. The photo on the top of all THESE pages, and to the right here, was taken by me on February 15, 2004, the day after we had received the diagnosis that she had cancer of the esophagus -- a type of cancer about which the statistics state:
That is where we started on February 15th, when we went to a seaside resort for a lobster dinner and to start the thinking process of what to do.
Soon after the 15th of February I started THIS web site -- knowing in general what was to be our plan of handling this situation. There is no part of this journey, no matter how personal, that I am not willing to describe, even to publish in these pages. For instance, click here for a very intimate discussion of the difference between "being unable to live and being unwilling to live."
This journey has not been without discouragement from time to time, but the highlights of "victory despite the oncology doctors" have been a great part of the journey also! For myself, it has been an incredible journey of learning -- learning about something I had not thought I would be interested in -- the "standard treatment for cancer." I have learned a great deal -- far more than I have yet written. I've made some decisions about my "future career" as a result of this care-giving experience -- described HERE. For Bonnie? At the date of this writing we don't yet know what is the outcome of this journey for her. As of the date of THIS addition, we know that two standard medical tests show her free of cancer -- and that a world-famous surgeon has offered to solve Bonnie's swallowing problem caused by the radiation. Many will believe that cancer can be prevented with proper diet, or treated with proper diet. I suspect that is not true. The cause of cancer is free radicals -- they can do their damage in spite of virtually any type of diet. For an excellent article on this issue, CLICK HERE. If you think that "nutritional food" being pushed in large volume into the market can honestly be made by the same drug companies that deal in deadly drugs -- think again. Click here for an article about how the drug companies are invading the so called "nutritional food" market. I will re-read these pages, I know, as will many thousands of others. Others will be looking for hope and inspiration -- it is here!
The most important thing I will write about is "WHY" she choose conventional approach when for 25 years we have been strongly advocating alternative treatments. That has puzzled many of my 10,000 subscribers and the 10,000 people daily who visit my web sites. I will explore that at length for you, on or about June 9, 2004. Karl The main thing I want to say, writing after many weeks of VERY intense involvement in the traditional cancer treatments, is why we choose conventional when I promote so much alternative medicine. Every person has an absolute right, I believe, to make his or her own decisions on matters of life and death -- treatment.
That did NOT trouble me, and it should not trouble YOU as a prospective care-giver, that the person in your care wants some further authority to depend upon. You can have opinions on such an authority, even voice them, but no veto should be in your mind. Yes, when this first came up she looked, as did I, at all the alternative therapies we know about -- far more, even, than I have written about.
We had had a "family physician" for more than 25 years -- both of us went to him whenever we felt the need for a regular MD. We trusted him. So, we went for a consultation as soon as we had the first diagnosis. He had worked with Jimmy Keller in Jimmy's cancer clinic in Mexico -- where I had helped. So, he was certainly a supporter of alternative therapy. He told us, however, that Bonnie's cancer was already very large and considered so fatal that he, reluctantly, advised we pour on the alternatives before starting conventional, all that we mentioned he agreed with. Particularly that involved Germanium and Taheebo Life Tea. Here is a quote from a "mostly alternative remedy resource" which, nonetheless was saying the same thing as our family physician:
Here is the protocol which our "cancer team" apparently was following:
Burtness and Yale’s esophageal cancer team are focusing clinical trials to
downstage esophageal cancers through neoadjuvent, or preoperative, chemotherapy
and radiotherapy. "If we can shrink the tumor and reduce the likelihood of
positive lymph nodes and involvement at the surgical margins, we can improve
survival rates," she said.
"When can we know that the mass has reduced 'enough'?" I asked him. That was the fateful question!
Only a few weeks later we learned that our very good friend, this medical doctor who we trusted to advise us, knew at the time of his advice that he was suffering from inoperable brain cancer and had only a short time to live. He had not told us this. Would we have decided differently if we knew this? After the fact it was too late! We did not think we could or should stop the conventional treatment in the middle of the planned program. Also, after the fact, I found other sources of "alternative care" who agreed with our family physician -- about the unfortunate necessity of relying on standard treatments for "debulking" the mass, then alternatives for follow up and handling the on-going side effects of the standard care. I suppose you will have heard it many times from others -- let me tell you for "us" that once you start down this path of conventional treatment you are very likely to reach a point where you would rather die than continue.
As treatment went on we had an "episode" which Bonnie "called" and I was amazed that I had not thought of it earlier:
Click on that heading to read more about this fascinating question. After all, what are the mechanics of "cancer shrinkage?" The "evidence" of shrinkage came in some very, very uncomfortable gagging, and attempts to vomit, and in the consistency of her stool -- we saw the signs but did not recognize their significance at first.
Thursday evening Bonnie was feeling only a slight bit better -- was discouraged. A few days earlier she had what she called the "worst day of her life." It was not "just" pain, but a feeling that the "pain would continue, and even get worse, and that there was nothing that could be done about it." You will find your loved ones experiencing that thought. So, we had a fateful conversation, Thursday evening, the night before she was to get back on the pump with the 5FU. I'd had in my mind that I wanted to tell Bonnie is was OK to give up -- if SHE wanted to do that. She acknowledged that she had thought of that some.
We talked! This is probably one of the single most important subjects you can discuss
with a cancer patient in a "less than 20% chance of survival
Perhaps it would have been far better to refuse the chemo and radiation from the start -- that was not the decision we made. It is one of the most personal of all decisions -- particular for us who had spent 25 years learning about and promoting alternative remedies. I would never criticize anyone for making any decision at such a personal time of life. Bonnie finally said it, that fateful night. "I would rather die than go back on the 5FU!" She came to a similar conclusion just a few days later. I had no trouble supporting that decision. Frankly, I had gotten so much into this conventional treatment mode that I honestly thought that this may well be the end. After all, the Oncologist had said that the 5FU was critical to take without interruption -- that if you interrupted the cancer could get a new "life" and the game could not be won. (Even so, he did take her off the stuff -- because the reaction was so severe -- he told us that the blisters in the mouth WERE caused by the 5FU.) Bonnie and I then talked about what we expected the cancer doctor to say to us -- when Bonnie told him "No more 5FU!" I guessed at this, and tried to prepare Bonnie for the doctor's prediction of death and pain! This was the moment that Bonnie took the treatments into her own hands. Bonnie was resolute -- nothing the Oncologist could say would sway her, now, from quitting the 5FU. She would listen to what other stuff he might recommend, but no more of any chemo that was going to cause the pain she had been experiencing. When I felt that decision was rock solid, I began to have a glimmer of hope! The old question returned: "how much shrinkage" should we aim for in order to "turn off the conventional treatments" and start with all the many alternatives we already knew about. Bonnie had been taking very large doses of Germanium, and continued on that all through the treatment. HERE is a letter from someone familiar with the use of Germanium. We had been prepared to go through the full course of treatments -- all the planned chemo and radiation. Now, unexpectedly, Bonnie was saying, "No more of this chemo!" We then began to talk about further details. Would she also quit the radiation? Would she accept some "other" chemo? Would we still be able to get further treatments (such as a CAT Scan or a PET Scan) if she refused the other parts of conventional treatment? Would the doctor "kick her out" for refusing to take his advice? These are real concerns. We decided to keep our decisions to ourselves, as much as possible, but to hold firm to the basic decision -- "no more 5FU" and a complete willingness to also stop any further radiation -- !! In other words, back to our original advice, to "accept conventional treatment 'as long as necessary' to shrink the cancer." There never was some percentage of shrinkage we had in mind.
Both of us started getting very optimistic -- about going NOW to the full use of germanium, Taheebo Life Tea, Oxygen Drops, and all of the other remedies which we thought so highly of. At this point she could still not swallow, even her own saliva -- so all her water and food was being fed in by the "feeding tube" and I suggested, she agreed, that we would now greatly increase the germanium by putting a lot in a feeding tube of water only. (The food in that tube curdled when we mixed some minerals and other stuff -- so we had been reluctant to mix lots of germanium with the food.)
So, Friday, June 4th, before we went to talk about the 5FU with the Oncologist, I fixed up a feeding tube bag of JUST germanium water, and she was very willing to get on it. This allowed a great increase of germanium to be fed into her body -- slowly. Now, I am writing this as it is happening -- you will read it late in the sequence. I pause, now, to get ready to see the Oncologist and talk about 5FU, and what he thinks is likely to happen to Bonnie! Bonnie is now ready to stop chemo and radiation, totally, and revert back to
usin Was this the right decision? Amazingly, the doctor agreed to take her off the 5FU. I've learned a tremendous amount about conventional cancer treatment in the last several months.
So, when you might read this, many of you on June 9th, I do not have a final report as I expected to have. After the last treatment, June 16th, Bonnie has about four weeks before she should then go in for surgery, if that procedure looks OK. How does anyone decide? About 10 days after the treatment has stopped, giving the various organs a chance to reduce in the swelling caused by radiation and chemo, they will do another CAT scan. The purpose of this scan is to see how much the cancer has shrunk. The doctor says that a 50% shrinkage will be an "excellent sign" that a "clean resection by surgery is possible. But, he also told us that it will not be ONLY his decision, but more the decision of the surgeon. What with the time necessary for getting the test results, and the surgeon's requirement that HE examine Bonnie in addition to looking at the Cat Scan, it appears that it will be about three weeks after treatment stops before we can expect an "opinion." We had decided that Bonnie should get a pleasant vacation during those four weeks, and when a couple island resorts were not available, we booked three nights at the Belagio in Las Vegas, and going to a couple shows. We've had two different doctors tell us that with three weeks of no treatment Bonnie should be feeling very much better, able to eat without the tube and that it would be fine to take a vacation trip. So, we go to Las Vegas to meet one of my sons and others, and return about June 30th, to see the surgeon and get the final word. So, I'll have to be adding more to this page -- and will. The latest word? June 8th, 2004, 6:56 PM. The ECG report was bad news. The doctor said, "Bonnie, you have probably had a mild heart attack! I have authorized an appointment with a cardiologist!"
Well you might know about cardiologists -- but we are WITHIN the system, so that is probably where we are stuck ! The cardiologist will take several days to "process" the request for an appointment, and then do an "ultrasound" and give a report. So, here at 6:35 PM, California time, June 8th, the Wednesday Letter is set to be published in 25 minutes, is all the report I'm going to write for now. Obviously, there is much more news to be had. If I could leave you with one thought, it is, "Help me, join the fight to establish a greater amount of morality on the planet -- I will soon announce a 'campaign' that you can join, for $38.25 per month, to do something useful -- many more details. The cost? It does not go to me or Vibrant Life -- but full details will soon be announced!"
During the night of June 6th, into the early morning of June 7th, Bonnie came to another "fateful" decision. She felt terrible and the "poor feeling" was exactly the set of symptoms described as "needing immediate medical treatment -- emergency" -- and she decided that it was the new "angle of radiation" that she had just started. Even though, at this point, she had been off 5FU for two weeks, we had been told that radiation could also cause these side effects, and if so, it might be necessary to "interrupt" the radiation.
The radiation treatments were planned as 17 treatments from one angle, then 11 more from a different angle. The series of 11 had just started at this point -- Bonnie had three of them and was scheduled for five more starting June 7th, then 3 more to finish. The radiation doctor heard Bonnie's problems, noticed that she had been off 5FU for 15 days, still had some of these "5FU symptoms" and told us that, "You shouldn't be having those symptoms from the radiation, so there may be something else wrong. I want to get a chest X-ray of your lungs to make sure there is no problem there." That was a big hassle. Why? Because he wanted those results faster than the insurance could be obtained. We go it anyway -- I never did learn how the insurance could be obtained in just a few minutes ! Nothing wrong in the lungs? He had to look for some other reason why "his" radiation could NOT be the cause of these symptoms. He actually called the next day, told us, "Bonnie, I'm concerned that there may be something wrong with the heart -- I want you to get an ECG." Well, I said, "she had one just a few weeks ago!" He said, "There could be something new -- she should probably go to the emergency ward to get one, urgently." Take if from me, a keen observer of the medical scene, the doctor does NOT EVER want you to die in his office. Die somewhere else, but don't die in any place that could be HIS responsibility -- or traced in any way to HIS treatments." I apologize for the language, but is well known: "Cover your ass!" That is the motto of the medical and the insurance. So, you might as well expect it -- it will be pervasive and yes, it is immoral and yes, this was one of the many insights I have had that led me to my new career -- click here. One of the terrible problems the medical profession has is that patients catch them so often in lies, or false data, that when they speak the truth, they are suspect. Click here to see more on this. Karl Bonnie had been off the 5FU now for two weeks, no other new drugs, so the only NEW thing was the new angle of radiation -- so it looked like this was the culprit. (The radiation doctor later said, "no way!" Now a "good doctor" would be looking for causes, but a "bad doctor" would be looking for excuses and ways to shift responsibility -- if possible onto the patient. The patient will not often see the difference! We talked it over, as before, and Bonnie again was willing to say, "I'd rather die that continue feeling like this -- or even getting worse!" At 6 AM, Monday, June 7, 2004, she is quite firm on telling the radiation doctor "no more radiation." She will be willing to listen to him, but if he cannot predict some immediate relief from the pain and discomfort, she is ready to stop. Then the question will arise from the doctor: "Are you saying you want to stop ANY further radiation? or, that you want to stop for a period of time, to recover, so that you can then resume the treatments?" At this very moment Bonnie "leans" toward stopping any further treatments of any type! That would be a very big decision considering that she had started down the conventional path. I will learn of her final position in a few hours from this writing. Here is something I've done with and for Bonnie, and I urge YOU to do when and as the time comes. I play the role of the "doctor" and suggest what I think his answers would be to the questions that I think should be asked:
Bonnie agrees that these would be good questions to ask. We will see how it goes, meeting the radiation doctor, as to whether she wants ME to ask those questions, or she can ask them, herself! I did ask these questions, somewhat, and got about the best answer I could expect. The radiation doctor said that, "If Bonnie stops now, with 8 more radiation treatments to go, she will lost most of the benefits of the radiation -- because they are intended to go to full treatment before they accomplish the final purpose of mass shrinkage -- my best estimate is that whatever the survival rate had been, it would be reduced by 50% compared with going the full eight more treatments." That was about the best I could get, I suppose. If the "pre-treatment" percentage of survival was "less than 20%" assuming that she went ahead with the full treatment, that would mean that the NEW estimated survival rate was about 10%. I doubt very much if the doctor would be willing to be that precise. If that rate, 10%, is valid, then it might be fair to compare that 10% rate with whatever one might estimate for "alternative remedies taking over at this point?" It would not take a great deal of optimism to figure that, even after so much conventional treatment, the alternative treatments, at this time, would give her better than a 10% chance of survival. But, logic such as this is NOT the way such decisions are ever made -- rather they are made on much less tangible criteria -- essentially, a "gut feeing." What will Bonnie's decision be? No radiation on June 7th, since the radiation doctor wanted an X-Ray to be sure there was no problem with the lungs that could be causing her shortness of breath and tiredness -- so, that report comes Tuesday, June 8th, at 10 AM, when the radiation doctor will be asking Bonnie to continue with the radiation -- Bonnie may be willing. It is her call! The main public exposure of this page comes with the publication of my weekly newsletter, dated June 9th. Originally I thought we would be finished with all treatments, and "news" by then. Now it appears that you may have to return to this same page for whatever may have transpired since this writing. The radiation doctor thought her symptoms could NOT be caused by either the radiation or the chemo -- so said she needed an ECG. We got one the same day! The ECG report was bad news. The doctor said, "Bonnie, you have probably had a mild heart attack! I have authorized an appointment with a cardiologist!"
Well you might know about cardiologists -- but we are WITHIN the system, so that is probably where we are stuck ! The cardiologist will take several days to "process" the request for an appointment, and then do an "ultrasound" and give a report. So, here at 6:35 PM, California time, June 8th, the Wednesday Letter is set to be published in 25 minutes, is all the report I'm going to write for now. Obviously, there is much more news to be had. If I could leave you with one thought, it is, "Help me, join the fight to establish a greater amount of morality on the planet -- I will soon announce a 'campaign' that you can join, for $36.75 per month, to do something useful -- many more details. The cost? It does not go to me or Vibrant Life -- but full details will soon be announced!"
Dr. Asai recommends about 2 grams daily of Germanium, for treating cancer -- Bonnie was taking it at about the rate of 10 grams per day -- that is a massive dose -- very safe, and we hoped very effective. She had trouble swallowing, early on, so Taheebo was not as easy to take -- and she took only a moderate dosage per day there. We also tried many other substances. Once the chemo/radiation started she got sicker and sicker and eventually could not talk or swallow even water.
I learned a great deal about cancer doctors -- I feel sorry for them, even if I also know that it was THEIR choice to study a failed methodology -- but the problem is that the alternative world doesn't have enough acceptance to make a dent in cancer treatment. I don't think that JUST more promotion of alternatives, any more, is the answer. You might find it very strange, but I have decided that I, or YOU, cannot win the "cancer fight" for all of society by a frontal attack, that what is the only way to victory here is to increase the level of morals in society -- and among doctors and researchers so that there becomes an honest and effective treatment for cancer. I already know more about cancer than most of the people treating Bonnie, but I DO NOT KNOW ENOUGH. I am not likely to every learn enough, at my age, or to convince enough people to make a difference during THIS life time. I even considered just learning as much as I can in these few more years, and "coming back" (as I am confident I will) to grow up, study biochemistry, and by that time really do the research, personally, to conqueror cancer. I've written about this thought, more extensively, here. Whether you think that is possible or not, I do. But, I've now decided to travel a different route in the next several years. Morals! As some of you know I have now several web sites where I am wading into the complex thicket of morality. I think I can make a difference, even in a few years, in this area, and so I urge you to accept my strong suggestion that you follow me into that area -- looking at my several web sites that discuss matters of morality. Only as the morals of individuals improve are we going to get out of the terrible prison caused by the "health insurance industry" which so limits the care Bonnie could get. For, even if some MD wanted to add alternatives to his traditional care, he could not do so safely. Oh, there is so much. But, morals is where it is at. First, there was and is: http://www.happinessonline.org where I've had several hundred daily visitors, and given away more than 5000 copies of the common sense moral code which, I think, WILL make a difference on the planet -- if people will help spread that word, and read that small book. Next, http://www.moralgroup.com where I've published a lot of my thoughts on the politics and world news of the day. Then, more recently, a web site that is proving to be very popular: http://www.fulfillyourobligations.com take a look. There are moral issues there where you can vote and see how others have voted. Finally, the newest concept -- one that I think WILL make the big breakthrough in morality on this planet is at: http://www.churchofcompassionateservice.com Yes, I have taken my hand to establishing a new religion -- one that believes in God, yes, but dogma, NO! It is a remarkable achievement -- and I am not modest or humble about this. I urge you to go -- and take some time -- that web has what I think is the answer for cancer treatment -- it starts with morals and ethics on a personal level. Along the way we have to get rid of so-called "health insurance" and you probably don't want to hear about that, but do go and look. We won't have the final medical opinion about Bonnie until near the end of June -- about a month after the treatment has stopped, a new CAT scan, and a "decision" as to whether surgery is then possible. The Oncologist is looking for a 50% shrinkage of the cancer, from his treatment. We'll see what happens. I don't want to leave this page, or thoughts, without assuring you that both Bonnie and I have very personal and real experience with death and re-birth -- and have zero doubts about our future -- so neither of us fears death, nor worries about "what might come next." We know with enough certainty to not get overly excited by one more experience of death -- it comes to all bodies, but not to the spirit. Karl Loren June 9, 2004. After the above was published on June 8th, more material is added on a new page, HERE.
This web site is a breath of fresh air in a world of pollution.
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This web site is Copyright © 2004 by Karl Loren. Permission is granted to download, copy, distribute and use as long as the copyright notice remains attached to such use and the intended meaning is not altered.
This is a very personal story about my lovely wife, Jean Ross. (I
also call her "Bonnie" because that is the name she married under -- "Jean" is
the professional name she uses in our business.) 
Prior to this date I had already gathered dozens of pages about the
esophagus, swallowing problems, esophagus cancer, and tumors, and related
subjects. I had already published them on one of my web sites and sent out
links and references to the 10,000 subscribers to my weekly electronic
newsletter.
So,
this web site, and the thousands of pages on it, are dedicated to Jean Ross and
our remarkable journey together. 
Bonnie has gone through slightly more than half of the scheduled radiation
and chemo treatments by June 2nd -=- they have not been pleasant.
No matter how much Bonnie loves me, I am still not a doctor, and when she was
faced with a situation where the common reality is 20% or less survival rate,
she looked for additional help in the way of making a decision.
That is my most important message to you. If you become a "care-giver"
then your first duty is to allow the person in your care to decide for himself
or herself the most fundamental issue -- to live or die!
Then, our family friend, the MD, said, "accept the terrible toll of conventional therapy for the
purpose of shrinking the cancer in size" -- because he didn't think alternatives
were very effective in shrinking such a mass -- and that after the mass was
reduced, THEN pour on the alternatives even more heavily.
Bonnie decided for that path, I supported her in every way.
During
the treatment series Bonnie gave blood samples every week -- eventually, as the
doctor expected, her "white blood cell count" was reduced because of the chemo
and radiation -- twice he prescribed a series of five treatments with
Bonnie had blisters and sores in her mouth from the 5FU, and felt so sick --
over Memorial Day Weekend -- with no one to ask -- that when she finally got in
to see the Oncologist that Tuesday morning, he was shocked -- ordered the
temporary stopping of the 5FU, and sent her to the hospital for two units of
blood transfusion.
Bonnie immediately
felt better once off the 5FU, but the Oncologist wanted to put
her back on it Friday, June 4, 2004. She didn't say much but didn't
disagree THEN.
When you confront this issue "for real" I hope you
have the depth of understanding about "life" that Bonnie brought with her to
that fateful evening.
category."
When such a person can finally and openly confront the death of the body, you
have probably arrived at "a bottom" but it is also the beginning of a "new path"
if she chooses it.
g the alternative remedies ONLY -- just as the original plan. The
difference has been that it was BONNIE who had to decide WHEN to stop the
radiation and chemo -- not the "usual number of treatments" which the Oncologist
had selected.
She was on a "feeding tube" and losing weight -- I gave her a manual feeding
plunger several times during each day, with various drugs, but never failed to
include a large dose of germanium in every feeding -- so she never stopped
taking germanium even in large doses. (The picture on the left includes
the two most recent, very-loved dogs in our life -- Raja and Chester.)